To let go
I had enrolled my daughter in a public speaking coarse online @ covid times you know to just keep things flowing. She had to choose a topic to talk about on the last day of the course among all the topics she was given which were deforestation, climate change, air pollution, inequality, racism, poverty, peer pressure, etc. so I asked her to choose something she has experienced or felt strongly or seen and felt bad about. She asked me to explain each and so I started…. At the end of which she was like she has not experienced any …. So she chose poverty …. I asked her what she knows of poverty…. She says “nothing…. That’s why I choose it”. I explained to her what poverty is and then she says …. Oh, that’s what it is then I don’t want to talk about it….
This and this my dear friends made me think. We are a regular middle-class family… and where did I go wrong …. that my 10-year-old doesn’t know the meaning, I meant real meaning of any, and has not felt strongly about anything.
We as parents, especially the current parents to 1–15 year old … aren’t we overdoing it. We, I realized had lived a life where children saw their parents struggling to make ends meet and sacrifice so much. We suffered equally as we thought we have to work hard to make them proud and thought we would never let our kids suffer as we did. Now we are bringing them up in such a protected environment …. I mean everything is practically laid out for them.
I remember having to travel in city busses to my school so I knew to travel on my own from the age of 10. I used to live with my aunt in my native place during the summer holidays and you know was out playing from 8 am to 8 pm and people were not coming searching for me because I was lost. I had freedom, space and learned a lot on my own. But our kids, we never leave them out, we are always stuck with them like bodyguards. We provide them with everything The only friends they have are from school. Of course kids of other parents who pay so hefty fees will not know anything of poverty.
During my school days, it used to pain me to see a few of my classmates who were coming in slippers since they dint have money and were making frequent trips to the principal’s office. We were asked to compulsorily donate for charity and my mom never gave me money, while my teacher once insulted me till I cried in class for not donating…. I just wanted to scream. I would have donated if I had…. Should I steal to donate? All our childhood experiences make us the parent we are and make me wonder am I doing it right.
Am I? I wonder. I think I kept them indoor for so long that they are just seeing things… only things that I show them. I wonder if I continue this and one day leave them out on one hand …. might understand and adjust…. or on the other might just have a shock and not cope.
Being a parent it's time I give them a little freedom to understand the world to experience the good and also the bad ( that’s what I am so scared of!!!?). what if someone touches her inappropriately, what if she feels embarrassed for not fitting in, what if she just crosses 2 streets and cant find her way back home … what if she goes into depression for not having things her friends have….
Let this not drive us. Let them live away from you for a few days… maybe at your parents’ house or with their cousins on holidays. Time away from you is good. Let them earn things rather than you buying them all they ask for. Let them go out on their own maybe to a nearby shop to buy milk… cut those strings slowly and one by one so you are preparing them to live life on their own.
I learned that we are just parents …. We are just the first street that God has put them onto … where they learn to drive. We have to teach them to drive…… that’s our only job … teach them the rules, teach them how to accelerate and brake, how to make turns…and navigate. Tell them… not to harm anyone … and that you are always there god forbid if anything goes wrong …. .and that’s it …. With that, off they go … EXPLORING ……LIFE.
( And yes!! Pray that they become the best drivers and pick up the best passengers along the way)
Diary of a daunting mother.
Mamathanaveen